


Something Wicked (SEASON ONE, EPISODE EIGHTEEN)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [19]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon, Episode: s01e18 Something Wicked, Flashbacks, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:32:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6840991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam n' Dean battle a Shtriga, a witch dat sneaks tha fuck into childrens' bedrooms n' sucks tha lives outta dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Dean must relive his childhood when he rethugz dat he encountered tha Shtriga muthafuckin years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

FITCHBURG, WISCONSIN

INTERIOR. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SURBURBAN HOUSE

 **LITTLE GIRL  
** (Kneelin by her bed) Now I lay me down ta chill I pray tha Lord mah ass ta keep, may angels peep me all up in tha night n' keep me safe til mornin light fo' realz. Amen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DAD  
** (Helpin her tha fuck into bed) Amen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Night Monkey Puss.

 **LITTLE GIRL  
** Daddy, is Mommy comin home?

 **DAD  
** No honey, da hoe bustin tha night all up in tha hospitizzle wit yo' sista n' shit. Yo ass chill tight now, nahmeean, biatch? 

Outside a tree branch scratches against tha window. Da hoe sits up in bed, afraid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch gathers her courage, races ta tha window n' pulls tha curtain across, then hides back under tha covers. Da scratchin tree branch turns tha fuck into a long-ass spindly fingered hand n' tha window is slowly pulled open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. A shadow approaches tha bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da hoe is wide-eyed n' terrified under tha covers. Da hand is placed on her shoulder -- her ass is turned n' sees one of mah thugs up in a hood, only they grill n' chin visible. Da skin is deeply wrinkled, tha grill opens, n' a funky-ass bright light is emitted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Da lil hoe begins ta scream.


	2. ACT ONE

Da Impala cruises down a cold-ass lil ghetto road.

INTERIOR. IMPALA.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Yo ass probably missed something, thatz what.

 **SAM  
** Dude, I ran LexisNexis, local five-o reports, newspapers, I couldn't find a single red flag. Is you shizzle you gots tha coordinates right?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I double checked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but Fitchburg, Wisconson. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dad wouldn't have busted our asses coordinates if it wasn't blingin Sammy.

 **SAM  
** (gettin frustrated) Well I be spittin some lyrics ta you I looked n' all I could find was a funky-ass big-ass steamy pile of nothing. If Dadz bustin our asses hustlin fo' suttin' I don't give a fuck what.

 **DEAN  
** Well maybe he goin ta hook up our asses there.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Cause his thugged-out lil' punk-ass been so easy as fuck ta find up ta dis point.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass be a real smart-ass ass you know that?.... Don't worry I be shizzle there be a suttin' up in Fitchburg worth cappin'.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, biatch? What make you so sure. 

 **DEAN  
** Cause I be tha oldest, which means I be always right.

 **SAM  
** No it don't.

 **DEAN  
** It straight-up do.

DEAN glances at Sammy then looks back all up in tha road wit a lil grin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da impala cruises past tha sign fo' Fitchburg, population 20,501.

.......................

EXTERIOR. FITCHBURG MAIN STREET. 

SAM leans against tha Impala starin ahead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN crosses ta tha road ta him, holdin two coffees. Glasowz Diner can be peeped up in tha background.

 **DEAN  
** (handin SAM a cold-ass lil coffee) Well...the waitress be thinkin tha local freemasons is up ta suttin' sneaky but other than dat no onez heard bout anythang freaky goin on.

 **SAM  
** Dean you gots tha time?

 **DEAN  
** (lookin at his watch) Ten afta Four. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Why?

 **SAM  
** (Indictatin ahead) Whatz wack wit dis picture.

SAM has been watchin a playground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it is deserted, only one lil pimp climbin around.

 **DEAN  
** Schoolz up aint it?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So where is everybody, biatch? This place should be crawlin wit lil playas n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

A biatch sits on a park bench readin a magazine. DEAN approaches. 

 **DEAN  
** Sure is on tha down-low up here.

 **WOMAN  
** Yeah, itz a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shame.

 **DEAN  
** Whyz that?

 **WOMAN  
** Yo ass know, lil playas gettin sick, itz a shitty thang.

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck many?

 **WOMAN  
** Just five or six but serious, hospitizzle straight-up n shiznit fo' realz. All dem muthafathas is gettin pretty anxious. They be thinkin itz catching.

They both peep tha lil hoes playin by her muthafuckin ass.

...............................

INTERIOR. DANE COUNTY MEMORIAL HOSPITAL

SAM n' DEAN enta n' approach tha reception desk.

 **SAM  
** Dude. Dude I be  _not_  rockin dis ID.

 **DEAN  
** Why not?

 **SAM  
** Cause it say bikini inspector on dat shiznit son!

 **DEAN  
** (Grinning) Don't worry dat biiiiatch won't look dat close all right, biatch? Hell, dat biiiiatch won't even ask ta peep dat shit. It aint nuthin but all bout confidence Sammy.

Dude spins SAM ta grill tha desk n' keeps strutting. Da receptionist looks up.

 **SAM  
** Yo! I be Doctor Jeremy Caplin, Centas fo' Disease Control. 

 **RECEPTIONIST  
** Can I peep some ID?

Further down tha corridor DEAN sniggers.

 **SAM  
** (Throwin DEAN a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty look) Yeah of course.

 **SAM  
** (Quickly flashin tha ID, holdin his cold-ass thumb over part of it) Now could you direct me ta tha pediatrics ward please?

 **RECEPTIONIST  
** Okay well, just go down dat hall, turn left n' up tha stairs.

Sam approaches a grinnin DEAN, givin major biiiatchface.

 **DEAN  
** (Still grinning) See. I holla'd at you it would work.

 **SAM  
** (Glares at Dean n' shakes his head irritably) Big up mah dirty ass. It aint nuthin but upstairs.

INTERIOR yo. HOSPITAL. UPSTAIRS

SAM n' DEAN strutt down tha corridor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN looks tha fuck into a room they pass fo' realz. An oldschool evil lookin biatch chillin up in a wheelchair slowly turns her head ta peep his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. An inverted cross hangs on her wall.

 **SAM  
** Dean!

DEAN bigs up SAM, glancin back toward tha room.   
  
.................................

SAM AND DEAN WALK TO A HOSPITAL CORRIDOR WITH A DOCTOR.

 **DEAN  
** Well, props fo' seein us, Dr yo. Heidecker.

 **HEIDIECKER  
** Well I be glad you muthafuckas is here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I was just bout ta booty-call CDC mah dirty ass yo. How'd you smoke up anyways?

 **DEAN  
** Oh some GP, I forget his name, his schmoooove ass called Atlanta and, uh, he must've beat you ta tha punch.

 **SAM  
** So you say you gots six cases so far?

 **HEIDECKER  
** Yeah, five weeks fo' realz. At first we thought dat shiznit was garden variety bacterial pneumonia. Not dat newsworthy. But now, nahmeean?..

 **SAM  
** Now what?

 **HEIDECKER  
** Da lil playas aren't respondin ta antibiotics. Their white cell counts keep goin down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Their immune systems just aren't bustin they thang. It aint nuthin but like they bodies is ... bustin out.

 **NURSE  
** Excuse me, Dr Heidecker.

Da Nurse handz his ass some forms ta look over n' sign.

 **SAM  
** (to HEIDECKER) Yo ass eva peep anythang like dis before?

 **HEIDECKER  
** Never dis severe.

 **NURSE  
** And tha way it spreads...thatz a freshly smoked up one fo' mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** What do you mean?

 **NURSE  
** It works its way all up in crews. But only tha children, one siblin afta another.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass mind if we rap battle all dem of tha kids?

 **NURSE  
** They're not conscious.

 **SAM  
** None of them?

 **NURSE  
** No.

 **DEAN  
** Can we, uh, can we rap ta tha muthafathas?

 **HEIDECKER  
** Well, if you be thinkin it'll help.

 **DEAN**  
Yeah. Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck was yo' most recent admission?  
  
........................

INTERIOR, HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM

A playa sits on a cold-ass lil chair against tha wall, SAM n' DEAN stand up in front of his muthafuckin ass.

 **MAN  
** I should git back ta mah hoes.

 **SAM  
** We KNOW that, n' we straight-up appreciate you poppin' off ta us. Now you say Mary is tha oldest?

 **MAN  
** Thirteen.

 **SAM  
** Shut tha fuck up fo' realz. And dat thugged-out biiiatch came down wit it first, right, biatch? And then...

 **MAN  
** Bethany, tha next night.

 **SAM  
** Within 24 hours?

 **MAN  
** I guess. Look, I, uh, I already went all up in all dis wit tha doctor.

 **DEAN  
** Just all dem mo' thangs if you don't mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! How tha fuck do you be thinkin they caught pneumonia, biatch? Were they up in tha cold, anythang like that?

 **MAN  
** No. We be thinkin dat shiznit was a open window.

 **DEAN  
** Both times?

 **MAN  
** Da last time, I, I don't straight-up remember but tha second time fo' shizzle fo' realz. And I know I closed it before I put Bethany ta bed.

 **SAM  
** So you be thinkin she opened it?

 **MAN  
** It aint nuthin but a second rap window wit a ledge. No one else could've.

............................  
  
SAM n' DEAN strutt back down tha corridor.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know dis might not be anythang supernatural. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Well shiiiit, it might just be pneumonia. 

 **DEAN  
** Maybe. Or maybe suttin' opened dat window. I don't give a fuck dude, look, Dad busted our asses down down here fo' a reason. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be thinkin we might be barkin up tha right tree.

 **SAM  
** I be bout ta rap one thang.

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **SAM**  
That muthafucka our laid-back asses just talked to, biatch? I be bettin it'll be a while before he goes home.  
  
.............................

INTERIOR. BETHANY'S BEDROOM.

Sam n' DEAN check tha room wit EMF.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass gots anythang over there?

 **DEAN  
** Nah, nothing.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, me neither.

They keep checking. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM moves ta tha window.

 **SAM  
** Yo Dean?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** Whu fo'sho. (Starin all up in tha windowsill) Yo ass was right. It aint nuthin but not pneumonia. 

Dean comes over n' they stare at a handprint rotted tha fuck into tha wood.

 **SAM**  
It aint nuthin but rotted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. What tha hell leaves a handprint like that?  
  
...................................

FLASHBACK. MOTEL ROOM. YOUNG DEAN AND SAM.

YOUNG DEAN (around 9-10) is starin at a photo of tha same handprint. JOHN comes outta tha bedroom, loadin his sawn off.

 **JOHN  
** All right. Yo ass know tha drill, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Anybody calls, you don't pick up. If itz me, I be bout ta rang once, then call back. Yo ass gots that?

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** Mm-hmm. Only answer tha beeper unless it rings once first.

 **JOHN  
** Come on, dude, look kickin dat shit, yo. This shiznit is blingin.

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** I know, itz just...we've gone over it like a mazillion times n' you know I aint fuckin wack. 

 **JOHN  
** I know you not yo, but it only takes one mistake, you gots that, biatch? 

JOHN continues gatherin his cold-ass thangs.

 **JOHN  
** All right, if I aint back Sundizzle night...?

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** Call Pastor Jim.

 **JOHN  
** Lock tha doors, tha windows, close tha shades. Most blingin....

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** Watch up fo' Sammy.

They both look ta SAMMY, sprawled on tha couch watchin cartoons on TV.

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** I know.

 **JOHN  
** All right. If suttin' tries ta bust in?

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** Shoot first, ask thangs later.

 **JOHN  
** (takin his shoulder) Thatz mah man.

END FLASHBACK  
  
................................  
  
PRESENT. BETHANY'S BEDROOM.

 **DEAN  
** (standin at window, lookin a lil sick) I know why Dad busted our asses here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Dat punk faced dis thang before yo. Dude wants our asses ta finish tha thang.


	3. ACT TWO

EXTERIOR. NIGHT.

Da Impala pulls up ta a motel crib n' they git out. 

 **SAM  
** So what tha fuck tha hell be a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shtriga?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but ... kinda like a witch I think. I don't give a fuck much bout 'em.

 **SAM  
** Well I've never heard of it fo' realz. And it aint up in Dadz journal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. 

 **DEAN  
** Dad hunted one up in Fort Douglas, Wisconsin, bout 16, 17 muthafuckin years ago. Yo ass was there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Yo ass don't remember?

 **SAM  
** No.

 **DEAN  
** And I guess his schmoooove ass caught wind of tha thangs up in Fitzburg now n' kicked our asses tha coordinates.

 **SAM  
** So wait, this...

 **DEAN  
** Shtriga.

 **SAM  
** Right. Yo ass be thinkin itz tha same ol' dirty one Dad hunted before?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, maybe.

 **SAM  
** But if Dad went afta it why is it still breathang air?

 **DEAN  
** Cause it gots away.

 **SAM  
** Got away?

 **DEAN  
** (startin ta git frustrated) Yeah Sammy it happens.

 **SAM  
** Not straight-up often.

 **DEAN  
** Well I don't give a fuck what tha fuck ta tell ya, maybe Dad didn't have his wheatizzles dat morning.

 **SAM  
** What else do you remember?

 **DEAN  
** (Defensively) Nothin'. I was a kid all right?

DEAN entas reception n' rings tha bell fo' realz. A pimp of round 10-12 be reppin tha back room where a younger pimp sits watchin TV

 **BOY  
** A mackdaddy or two biatchs?

 **DEAN  
** (Glancin back at SAM) Two biatchs.

 **BOY  
** (Peepin his fuckin look n' sniggerin under his breath) Yeah I be bout ta bet.

 **DEAN  
** What'd you say.

 **BOY  
** (smiling) Sick hoopty son!

A biatch enters, smilin at dem both.

 **WOMAN  
** Hi.

 **DEAN  
** Hi.

 **WOMAN  
** Checkin in?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **WOMAN  
** (To boy) Ahh, do me a gangbangin' favor, go git yo' brutha some dinner.

 **BOY  
** I be helpin a hommie playa!

She gives his ass a look n' he grimaces n' turns ta bounce tha fuck out.

 **BOY  
** (To his crazy-ass mother, while raisin his wild lil' fuckin eyebrow at Dean) Two biatchs. (emphasizin "queens')

 **DEAN  
** (fake laugh) Funny kid.

 **WOMAN  
** Oh, yeah yo. Dude be thinkin so. Will dat be chedda or credit?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass take MasterCard, biatch? (Bitch nods. Mm-hmm.) Perfect yo. Here you go.

DEAN watches all up in tha door as tha pimp pours a glass of gin n juice fo' his younger brother.

..........................

FLASHBACK. MOTEL ROOM. 

YOUNG SAM sits all up in tha table. YOUNG DEAN pours his ass a glass of milk.

 **YOUNG SAM  
** Whenz Dad gonna git back?

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** (Grabbin a pot from tha stove) Tomorrow.

 **YOUNG SAM  
** When?

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** (pourin from tha pot tha fuck into a funky-ass bowl) I dunno yo. Dude probably comes up in late though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Now smoke yo' dinner.

 **YOUNG SAM  
** I be sick of scabetti-ohs.

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** Well -- Yo ass is tha one whoz ass wanted 'em!

 **YOUNG SAM  
** I want dirty charms!

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** Therez no mo' dirty charms. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. 

 **YOUNG SAM  
** I saw tha box!

 **YOUNG DEAN  
** Okay, maybe there is but there be a only enough fo' one bowl n' I aint had any yet.

SAMMY gives mini-dawg dawg eyes. DEAN sighs, dumps up SAM'S bowl up in tha trash n' thumps tha cereal box on tha table instead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM reaches tha fuck into tha box n' grabs tha toy.

 **YOUNG SAM  
** (holdin it toward DEAN) D'you want tha prize?

END FLASHBACK

..............................

PRESENT DAY. MOTEL RECEPTION. 

 **WOMAN  
** (Holdin up his card) Sir?

 **DEAN  
** (Comin back ta reality) Thanks.

........................

INTERIOR. MOTEL ROOM. 

 **SAM (on laptop  
** Well, you was right yo. Heh. Well shiiiit, it wasn't straight-up easy as fuck ta find but you was right. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shtriga be a kind of witch. They're Albanian yo, but legendz bout dem trace back ta Ancient Rome. They feed off  _spiritus vitae_.

 **DEAN  
** Spiri-what?

 **SAM  
** Vitae. It aint nuthin but Latin, translates ta 'breath of game'. Kinda like yo' game force or essence.

 **DEAN  
** Didn't tha doctor say tha kids' bodies was bustin out?

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but a thought. you know dat dunkadelic hoe takes yo' vitalitizzle maybe yo' immunitizzle goes ta hell, pneumonia takes hold. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Anyway, shtrigas can feed off mah playas but they prefer...

 **DEAN  
** Children.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Probably cuz they have stronger game force fo' realz. And git all dis bullshit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shtrigas is '...invulnerable ta all weapons devised by Dogg n' man.'

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, thatz not right. Dat hoe vulnerable when she feeds.

 **SAM  
** What?

DEAN If you catch her when her big-ass booty smokin you can blast her wit consecrated wrought iron. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Ahhh... buckshots or roundz I think.

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck do you know that?

 **DEAN  
** Dad holla'd at mah dirty ass. I remember.

 **SAM  
** Oh yo. Huh. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So uh, anythang else Dad might have mentioned?

 **DEAN  
** Nope, thatz dat shit.

SAM keeps starin at DEAN.

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **SAM  
** Nothing. Okay. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, assumin we can bust a cap up in it when it smokes we still gotta find tha thang first, which ain't gonna be a cold-ass lil cakewalk. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shtrigas take on a human disguise when they not hunting. 

 **DEAN  
** What kinda human disguise?

 **SAM  
** Historically, suttin' innocuous. Could be anythang yo, but itz probably a gangbangin' feeble oldschool biatch, which might be how tha fuck tha witches as oldschool crones legend gots started.

 **DEAN  
** (crossin tha room) Hang on.

SAM What?

 **DEAN  
** (grabbin a map) Peep dis out. I marked down all tha addressez of tha suckas. Now these is tha houses dat done been hit so far, n' dead center, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** Da hospitizzle.

 **DEAN  
** Da hospitizzle. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Now when we was there I saw a patient, a oldschool biatch.

 **SAM  
** An oldschool thug huh?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** In a hospitizzle, biatch? Phew. (bobbin his head n' sniggering) Betta call tha Coast Guard.

 **DEAN  
** Well listen, smart-ass, dat freaky freaky biatch had a inverted cross hangin on her wall.

SAM quickly looks up, straight-up n shit. DEAN raises a eyebrow at his muthafuckin ass.

............................

INTERIOR. NIGHT yo. HOSPITAL.

SAM n' DEAN come down a hallway, quickly duckin back when they peep Dr HEIDACKER.

 **NURSE  
** Dope night Dr Heidacker n' shit. 

 **HEIDACKER  
** See you tomorrow Betty.

 **NURSE  
** Try ta git some chill.

SAM n' DEAN hide until HEIDACKER passes, then continue on ta tha oldschool biatchz room. They open tha door n' sneak in, DEAN takin tha front, SAM hangin back, glocks drawn. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da biatch is up in her wheelchair facin toward tha corner n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch seems ta be chillin. DEAN slowly leans up in closer n' closer ta her face.

 **OLD WOMAN  
** (Turnin her head) Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck tha hell is yo slick ass?!

DEAN freaks, leapin back against a wall cabinet, pullin his wild lil' freakadelic glock up. 

 **OLD WOMAN  
** Whoz there, biatch? Yo ass tryin ta loot mah stuff, biatch? (Grumblin ta her muthafuckin ass) They're always jackin round here.

 **SAM  
** (Turnin tha light on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We can peep dat freaky freaky biatch has cataracts) No! Ah, ma'am, we maintenance. We sorry bout dat bullshit. We thought you was chillin.

 **OLD WOMAN  
** Ahhh, nonsense. I was chillin wit mah peepers open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (Bitch laughs, then gestures all up in tha wall.) And fix dat crucifix, would ya, biatch? I've axed four damn times already dawwwwg! 

DEAN, still lookin slightly freaked out, jogs tha crucifix n' it swings tha right way up.

.................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL. NIGHT.

Da camera pans across tha ballaz lil playas chillin up in twin beds, n' onto tha window. Da Shtrigaz arm appears n' slides tha window open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 


	4. ACT THREE

EXTERIOR. MOTEL. DAY

Da Impala pulls up ta tha motel parkin lot n' SAM n' DEAN git out.

 **SAM  
** (Laughing) "I was chillin wit mah peepers open?" Hahahaha.

 **DEAN  
** I almost smoked dat oldschool girl, I swear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. It aint nuthin but not funky hommie!

 **SAM  
** (Still sniggering) Oh dude, you shoulda peeped yo' face.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, laugh it off. Now we back ta square one.

 **DEAN (sees tha ballerz lil hustla chillin behind tha crib lookin forlorn)  
** Hang on.

 **DEAN  
** (To tha boy) Yo whatz wrong?

 **BOY (MICHAEL)  
** My fuckin brotherz sick.

 **DEAN  
** Da lil muthafucka?

 **BOY (MICHAEL)  
** (Nodding) Pneumonia. Dat punk up in tha hospitizzle. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. It aint nuthin but mah fault.

 **DEAN  
** Ah c'mon, how?

 **BOY (MICHAEL)  
** I shoulda made shizzle tha window was latched. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude wouldn't've gots pneumonia if tha window was latched. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

DEAN looks away fo' a moment. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM watches him, frownin thoughtfully.

 **DEAN  
** Listen ta mah dirty ass. I can promise you dat dis aint yo' fault. Okay, biatch? 

 **BOY (MICHAEL)  
** It aint nuthin but mah thang ta look afta his muthafuckin ass.

SAM looks back n' forth from Dean ta tha kid.

His mutha hurries outta tha motel toward her car.

 **MOM  
** Michael, I want you ta turn on tha no vacancy sign while I be gone. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I gots Denise coverin room steez so don't bother wit any of tha rooms.

 **MICHAEL  
** I be goin wit you, biatch.

 **MOM  
** Not now, Michael.

 **MICHAEL  
** But I gotta peep Asher son!

 **DEAN  
** Yo Michael yo. Hey. I know how tha fuck you feel -- I be a funky-ass big-ass brutha too -- but you gotta go easy as fuck on yo' Momma up in dis biatch, ok?

 **MOM  
** (Droppin her fannypack up in her haste) Dammit playa!

 **SAM  
** I gots dat shit.

 **Mom  
** Nuff props, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Listen, you up in no condizzle ta drive -- why don't you let me hit you wit a lift ta tha hospitizzle.

 **Mom  
** Fuck dat shit, I couldn't possibly...

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, itz no shit. I insist.

DEAN takes her keys. 

 **Mom  
** Thanks. (To Michael) Be good.

DEAN helps her tha fuck into her seat then turns ta SAM.

 **DEAN  
** We gonna bust a cap up in dis thang. I want it dead, you hear me son?

.......................................

INTERIOR. LIBRARY.

SAM sits at a microfiche machine yo. Dude picks up his thugged-out lil' phone.

 **DEAN  
** (Whispers)  _Hey_.

 **SAM  
** Hey yo. Howz tha kid?

**DEAN  
** _Dat punk not good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Where you at?_

**SAM  
** I be all up in tha library. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I been tryin ta smoke up as much as I can bout dis Shtriga.

**DEAN  
** _Yeah, what tha fuck have you got?_

**SAM  
** Well, shitty news. I started wit Fort Douglas round tha time you holla'd Dad was there?

**DEAN  
** _Yeah?_

**SAM  
** Same deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Before that, there was, uh, Ogdenville, before dat Uptown Haverbrook, n' Brockway. Every 15 ta 20 muthafuckin years it hits a freshly smoked up town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dean, dis thang is just gettin started up in Fitzburgh. In all these other places it goes on fo' months. Dozenz of lil playas before tha shtriga finally moves on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da lil playas just ... languish up in comas n' then they take a thugged-out dirt nap.

**DEAN  
** _How tha fuck far backz dis thang go?_

**SAM  
** Ah, I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Da earliest mention I could find is dis place called "Black River Falls" back up in tha 1890s. Talk on some horror show.... Whoa.

**DEAN  
** _Sam?_

**SAM  
** Hold on.... I be lookin at a photograph right now of a funky-ass bunch of doctors standin round a kidz bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! One of tha Doctors is Heidacker n' shit. 

 **DEAN  
** And?

 **SAM  
** And dis picture was taken up in 1893.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass sure?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Yeah straight-up.

DEAN hangs up n' turns ta peep HEIDACKER chillin on ASHER'S bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **HEIDACKER  
** (To Asherz Mom) Don't worry. Yo crazy-ass sonz up in phat hands. I be goin ta take care of his muthafuckin ass.

HEIDACKER moves toward DEAN standin up in tha doorway. DEAN looks locked n loaded ta slit his cold-ass throat.

 **HEIDACKER  
** So whatz tha CDC come up wit so far?

 **DEAN  
** Well, we still hustlin on all dem theories. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! You'll know suttin' as soon as our phat asses do.

 **HEIDACKER  
** Well, nothingz mo' blingin ta me than these kids. Just let me know if I can help.

 **DEAN  
** I be bout ta do all dis bullshit.

.................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL ROOM. 

 **SAM  
** We should have thought of dis before fo' realz. A doctorz a slick disguise. Yo ass is trusted, you can control tha whole thang. 

 **DEAN (throwin off his jacket, pacin agitatedly)  
** That lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch.

 **SAM  
** I be surprised you didn't draw on his ass right there.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah well, first of all, I aint goin ta open fire up in a gangbangin' freakin' pediatrics ward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** Dope call.

 **DEAN  
** Second, wouldn't have done any good, cuz tha bastardz cap proof unless his schmoooove ass chowin down on somethang fo' realz. And third, I wasn't packing, which is probably a straight-up phat thang cause I probably would have just burned a cold-ass lil clip up in his ass on principle ridin' solo.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is gettin wise up in yo' oldschool age Dean.

 **DEAN  
** Damn right. Cause now I know how tha fuck we goin ta git dat shit.

 **SAM  
** What do you mean?

 **DEAN  
** Shtriga, works all up in siblings right?

 **SAM  
** Right.

 **DEAN  
** Well last night....

 **SAM  
** It went afta Asher.

 **DEAN  
** So I be thankin tonight itz probably gonna come afta Michael.

 **SAM  
** Well we gotta git his ass outta here.

 **DEAN  
** No. Fuck dat shit, dat would blow tha whole deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass wanna use tha kid as bait, biatch? Is you nuts, biatch? No! Forget dat shit. Thatz outta tha question.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but not outta tha question Sam itz tha only way. If dis thang disappears it could be muthafuckin years before we git another chance. 

 **SAM  
** Michaelz a kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And I aint goin ta dangle his ass up in front of dat thang like a worm on a hook.

 **DEAN  
** Dad did not bust me here ta strutt away.

 **SAM  
** Send YOU here, biatch? Dude didn't bust you here -- da perved-out muthafucka busted our asses here.

 **DEAN  
** This aint bout you, Sam. I be tha one whoz ass screwed up, all right. It aint nuthin but mah fault. Therez no spittin some lyrics ta how tha fuck nuff lil playas have gotten hurt cuz of mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** What is you saying, Dean, biatch? How tha fuck is it yo' fault?

Long pause. 

 **SAM  
** (Sighing). Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. You've been hidin suttin' from tha get-go. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since when do Dad bail on a hunt, biatch? Since when do he let suttin' git away, biatch? Now rap ta me, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Tell me what tha fuck be happenin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** Fort Douglas, WIsconsin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat shiznit was our third night up in dis crap room n' I was climbin tha walls. Man, I needed ta git some air.

DEAN'S grill morphs tha fuck into YOUNG DEAN  
  
FLASHBACK. MOTEL ROOM. 

YOUNG DEAN sits watchin TV yo. Dude turns it off n' goes ta tha front door, lookin back at SAMMY asleep up in tha other room before he leaves, lockin tha door behind his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude skits arcade game up in reception until tha balla drops some lyrics ta his ass they closin fo' tha night. ("Kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! We closin up.")

Returnin ta tha room da perved-out muthafucka sees a strange light comin from SAMMYz room yo. Dude moves closer n' sees tha shtriga leanin over SAMMY. DEAN reaches fo' tha rifle by tha door but tha shtriga hears his ass ding-a-ling it n' rears up, hissing.

DEAN hesitates, terrified. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As da ruffneck do JOHN bursts all up in tha front door, glock raised.

 **JOHN  
** (Shouting) Git outta tha way hommie!

DEAN ducks n' JOHN blasts tha shtriga multiple times wit his hand gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da shtriga jumps all up in tha bedroom window, glass shattering. JOHN rushes ta SAMz bed n' pulls his ass close, cradlin his muthafuckin ass. 

 **JOHN  
** Sammy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sammy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sammy. Yo ass ok?

 **YOUNG SAM  
** (Trippin n' chilly) Yeah Dad, what tha fuck be happenin?

 **JOHN  
** Y'all right?

JOHN holdz SAMMY close while turnin ta glare at DEAN.

 **JOHN  
** What happened?

 **DEAN  
** (Hesitating) I -- I -- I just went out.

 **JOHN  
** What!?

 **DEAN  
** Just fo' a second. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **JOHN  
** I holla'd at you not ta leave dis room. I holla'd at you not ta let his ass outta yo' sight playa!

YOUNG DEAN watches sadly as JOHN cradlez SAMMY yo. His grill morphs back tha fuck into present DEAN.

 **DEAN  
** Dad just ... grabbed our asses n' booked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dropped our asses off at Pastor Jimz bout three minutes away yo, but by tha time he gots back ta Fort Douglas tha shtriga had disappeared, dat shiznit was just gone. Well shiiiit, it never surfaced until now, nahmeean, biatch? Yo ass know, Dad never was rappin bout it again, I didn't ask. But he...ah...he looked all up in mah grill different, you know, biatch? Which was worse. Not dat I blame his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude gave me a order n' I didn't listen, I almost gots you capped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** (Softly) Yo ass was just a kid.

 **DEAN**  
Don't. Don't. Dad knew dis was unfinished bidnizz fo' mah dirty ass yo. Dude busted mah crazy ass here ta finish dat shit.  
  
SAM  
But rockin Mike -- I don't give a fuck Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I mean, how tha fuck 'bout one of our asses hides under tha covers, you know, we'll be tha bait.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, it won't work. It aint nuthin but gotta git close enough ta feed -- it'll peep us. Believe me, I don't like it yo, but itz gotta be tha kid.

..................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL RECEPTION. 

 **MICHAEL  
** (holdin tha beeper up) Yo ass is crazy dawwwwg! Just go away or I be callin tha cops.

 **DEAN  
** Hang on a second. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Just dig mah dirty ass. Yo ass gotta believe me, ok, biatch? This thang came all up in tha window n' it beat down yo' brutha n' shit. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I peeped dat shit. I know what tha fuck it looks like. Cause it beat down mah brutha once like a muthafucka.

 **MICHAEL  
** (Slowly hangin up tha phone) This thang...is dat shit...like....it has dis long...black robe?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass saw it last night didn't yo slick ass?

 **MICHAEL  
** I thought I was havin a nightmare. 

 **DEAN  
** I'd give anythang not ta rap dis yo, but sometimes nightmares is real.

 **MICHAEL  
** So, why is you spittin some lyrics ta me son?

 **DEAN  
** Because we need yo' help.

 **MICHAEL  
** My fuckin help?

 **DEAN  
** We can bust a cap up in dat shit. Me n' him, thatz what tha fuck our phat asses do. But we can't do it without you, biatch.

 **MICHAEL  
** What, biatch? No!

 **DEAN  
** Michael, dig mah dirty ass. This thang hurt Asher n' shiznit fo' realz. And itz gonna keep hurtin lil playas unless we stop it, KNOW me son?

MICHAEL stares at DEAN, horrified.

................................

INTERIOR. MOTEL ROOM.

 **DEAN  
** Well dat went crappy. Now what?

 **SAM  
** What did you expect, biatch? Yo ass can't ask a adult ta do suttin' like that, much less a kid.

Therez a knock all up in tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dean opens it ta peep Michael.

 **MICHAEL  
** If you bust a cap up in it, will Asher git better?

 **DEAN  
** Honestly, biatch? Us dudes don't give a gangbangin' fuck. 

 **MICHAEL  
** Yo ass holla'd you was a funky-ass big-ass brutha n' shit.

DEAN nods. Yeah.

 **MICHAEL  
** You'd take care of yo' lil brother, biatch? You'd do anythang fo' him?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah I would.

 **MICHAEL  
** Me like a muthafucka. I be bout ta help.


	5. ACT FOUR

INTERIOR. MOTEL. MICHAEL'S ROOM.

DEAN completes hookin up a securitizzle camera up in tha corner of tha room, starin tha fuck into tha lense. MICHAEL is behind his ass up in bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Sam is watchin tha securitizzle feed up in tha other room. 

 **DEAN  
** (To Michael) This camera has night vision on it so we'll be able ta peep clear as day. It make me wanna hollar playa! (To SAM, liftin his voice) Is we good?

 **SAM  
** A afro ta tha right. (DEAN adjusts tha camera) There, there.

 **MICHAEL  
** What do I do?

 **DEAN  
** (Movin ta sit on his bed) Just stay under tha covers. 

 **MICHAEL  
** And if it shows up?

 **DEAN  
** We bout ta be right up in tha next room. We gonna come up in wit guns. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, as soon as our phat asses do you roll off dis bed n' you crawl under dat shit. 

 **MICHAEL  
** What if you blast me son?

 **DEAN  
** Us thugs won't blast you, biatch. We phat shots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. We not goin ta fire until you clear ok, biatch? (Mike nodz tentatively.) Has you done heard a gunshot before?

 **MICHAEL  
** Like up in tha pornos?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but gonna be a shitload louder than up in tha pornos. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I want you ta stay under tha bed, cover yo' ears,  _do not_  come up until we say so. Yo ass understand?

Mike nodz slowly, lookin trippin like a muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Michael, you shizzle you wanna do this, biatch? (Mike don't answer fo' a long-ass moment). 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass aint gots to, itz ok, I won't be mad.

 **MICHAEL  
** No I be ok. Just don't blast mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN**  
We not goin ta let anythang happen ta you, biatch. I promise.  
  
.............................

INTERIOR. MOTEL ROOM

SAM n' DEAN sit watchin tha securitizzle camera feed.

 **DEAN  
** What time is it?

 **SAM  
** Three. Yo ass shizzle these iron roundz is gonna work?

 **DEAN  
** Consecrated iron rounds, n' yeah itz what tha fuck Dad used last time.

 **SAM  
** Yo Dean I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **DEAN  
** For what?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, I've straight-up given you a shitload of crap, fo' always followin Dadz orders. But I know why you do dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, god, bust a cap up in me now, nahmeean, biatch?

Sam laughs softly. They sit up in silence fo' a moment. 

 **DEAN  
** Wait, look.

There is movement outside tha window. Well shiiiit, it slides open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN pick up they guns. Da shtriga is inside MICHAELz room.

 **SAM  
** Now?

 **DEAN  
** Not yet.

Da shtriga moves closer n' leans over tha bed, MICHAEL is terrified but frozen, unable ta move. Da shtriga leans closer n' opens his crazy-ass grill, startin ta draw MICHAELz juice. DEAN n' SAM burst in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **SAM  
** Yo dawwwwg! 

 **DEAN  
** Michael, down!

Mike rolls off n' under tha bed n' SAM n' DEAN open fire, blastin tha shtriga multiple times each. Well shiiiit, it falls ta tha ground.

 **DEAN  
** Mike, you all right?

 **MICHAEL (from under tha bed)  
** Yeah. 

 **DEAN  
** Just sit tight.

DEAN approaches tha shtriga, glock all up in tha ready. There is no movement yo. Dude chillaxes slightly n' glances at SAM. Da shtriga suddenly rises, grabs DEAN by tha throat n' throws his ass against tha wall.

 **SAM  
** Dean!

Da shtriga moves n' throws SAM ta tha wall; dat schmoooove muthafucka hits tha ground, n' tha shtriga comes on his ass n' forces his crazy-ass grill open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM strugglez ta reach his wild lil' freakadelic gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da shtriga begins drawin his wild lil' fuckin juice n' SAM stills n' starts goin grey. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo hommie!

Da shtriga looks up n' DEAN blasts it between tha eyes yo. Dude falls backwardz n' SAM lies gaspin fo' breath. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass aiiight lil brother?

SAM nodz n' unsteadily holdz up two thumbs-up. They both pull theyselves ta they feet n' look ta tha shtriga. Da juice tha shtriga stole begins ta escape from its grill. DEAN raises his wild lil' freakadelic gun, blastin it three mo' times at point blank range. Mo' juice escapes. Da shtriga falls up in on itself, disintegrating.

Mike peeks from tha side of tha bed.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but ok, Michael, you can come on out.

MICHAEL comes ta stand beside them, smilin tentatively. DEAN places his hand on MICHAELz shoulder n' smiles.


	6. ACT FIVE

EXTERIOR. MOTEL 

DEAN n' SAM is packin tha Impala locked n loaded ta head out. MICHAEL'S Momma comes outta tha back of reception. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo, Joanna yo. Howz Asher bustin?

 **JOANNA  
** Has you done peeped Michael?

 **MICHAEL  
** (Hustlin up) Mom! Mom!

 **JOANNA  
** (Huggin his ass ) Yo hommie!

 **MICHAEL  
** Howz Ash?

 **JOANNA  
** Got some phat news. Yo crazy-ass brotherz gonna fine.

 **MICHAEL  
** (Grinning) Fo' realz?

 **JOANNA  
** Yeah. Really. No one can explain it -- itz a miracle. They're goin ta keep his ass up in overnight fo' observation n' then his schmoooove ass comin home.

 **DEAN  
** Thatz pimped out. 

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck is all tha other lil playas bustin?

 **JOANNA  
** Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Real good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! A bunch of dem should be hittin' up in all dem days. Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Travis say tha wardz goin ta be like a pimp town.

 **SAM  
** Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Travis, biatch? What bout Dr yo. Heidacker, biatch? 

 **JOANNA  
** Oh da thug wasn't up in todizzle. It make me wanna hollar playa! Must done been sick or something.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Yeah must have.

 **JOANNA  
** (To MICHAEL) So, did anythang happen while I was gone?

 **MICHAEL  
** (Glancin at DEAN) Nah, same oldschool stuff.

 **JOANNA  
** Shut tha fuck up. Yo ass can go peep Ash.

 **MICHAEL  
** (Excited) Now?

Mike looks ta Dean whoz ass nodz slightly.

 **JOANNA  
** Only if you want to.

MICHAEL runs ta tha car.

 **JOANNA  
** (Laughing) I, ah, I'd betta git goin before dat schmoooove muthafucka hotwires tha hoopty n' drives his dirty ass.

Smilin peace out, she leaves, SAM n' DEAN turn back ta tha Impala. 

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but too bad.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, they'll be fine.

 **SAM  
** Thatz not what tha fuck I meant. I meant Michael yo. Dude bout ta always know there be thangs up there up in tha dark -- he'll never be tha same, you know, biatch? (long pause) Sometimes I wish that....

 **DEAN  
** What...?

 **SAM  
** I wish I could have dat kinda innocence.

They peep JOANNA n' MICHAEL drive away.

 **DEAN  
** (Slowly) If it means anything, sometimes I wish you could like a muthafucka.

They exchange a look. DEAN climbs up in tha hoopty n' starts tha engine. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM bigs up n' they pull outta tha motel hoopty park n' back onto tha freeway.


End file.
